poetry project
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growth as a poet reflection:1) The perspective of my poem has not necessarily shifted, but it has developed and has become more sophisticated throughout my drafts. In my first draft, the poem itself was rather dull and repetitive. It lacked interesting language and passion. Being new to the forward reverse stanza, I didn’t anticipate the struggle of making it work both ways, thus, the poetry suffered. But as I grew as a poet, I was able to develop the poem by refining it, line by line to make it more impactful. In my first draft, I wrote: “In times past, people united together, but this will not be true in the future.” This line lacked the desolate tone I was trying to achieve. It didn’t accomplish the mood that I wanted the reader to get from reading it. In my final draft, I revised the line to have more influence in what it was saying. “Once upon a time, people were cohesive pieces of the world, but this will not be the destiny of our future, we are a self-destructing planet.” In my final draft I used more drive and authority into the poem, to achieve the emotional and intellectual goal of the poem. My entire poem has grown and advanced through the process, by not only improving its intensity, but also by capturing the emotional aspect it was meant to. 2) The first important change I made to my poem was coming to the realization that, because forward reverse is difficult to incorporate complex poetry and language throughout, I needed to use powerful word usage in order to make up for the lack of harmonious poetry. In my first draft I found myself with sentences such as “The world knows no peace, and I refuse to believe that, the world can be changed.” These first lines of the poem didn’t have the intellectual or emotional appeal that I was looking for, because of the meager word choice. Several drafts, critiques, and revisions later, I was able to come to my final version of the beginning three lines, which are: “Peace is a deception of the mind, and I refuse to believe that there is vacancy for peace in our occupied world.” In my final poem, it is evident that I attempted to make it more powerful with the word usage I chose. A short part of the poem like this may not have seemed like major detail in my poem but I found that every small effort that I put forth into making the language richer and more poetic really paid off in the end and final draft of my poem. A stronger word choice set the intellectual level higher for the rest of the poem and interested the audience more. It raised the emotional level; by illustrating passion into the poem and it quickly lead the audience into a dismal mood, and when read in reverse, lead the audience into a lighthearted mood. The language usage improved my overall poem, by simply making it more interesting to read, it added character and depth into the poem itself. 3) The second crucial change that I made, was adding more poetic devices into my poem in order to get a rhythmical appeal and flow. When I began writing, I was struggling to incorporate the poetic devices into the forward reverse section of my poem. My poem lacked a sense of ‘poetry’ and seemed to be more of a straightforward lecture. In my final draft I was able to include quite a few of the devices, such as Euphony, Alliteration, and Metaphor. In my first draft I wrote: “War will always overcome serenity,” when I was in need of poetic devices, I thought about how I could refine this line to use a device. In my final draft I was able to include euphony: “And we will only regret if we decide to subside into solidarity.” This gave the poem a smoother feel to it and rather than just stating the obvious I tried to add something that was pleasing to the ear. Throughout my poem, I developed improvements in my use of poetic devices. Another poetic device that enhanced my final poem was the use of a metaphor. In one of my earlier drafts, I said: “war is eternal,” again, I took this line and turned it into a line containing a poetic device. In my final draft I used a metaphor to replace the old line, “War is tied to the stars, so when it leaves, it takes everything along with it.” Using metaphor, alliteration, and any of the poetic devices added to the intellectual message of the poem by carving it into a poem rather than the “essay” it seemed to have been before. The poetic devices impacted it emotionally in such a way that made it more negative when reading it forward, and positive when reading it in reverse, more so than it would have with the absence of them. The addition of poetic devices allowed my poem to succeed with the format. They added significance and uniqueness to the poem. 4) The third most significant change I made to my final poem was the additional, in between stanza. In my first draft, I had just a simple forward reverse poem, which properly portrayed my perspective and worked cohesively forward and backwards. However, I felt that I wasn’t able to write to my full potential with the constricted requirements of a forward-reverse poem. I was encouraged to write an additional, free verse transition stanza in the middle of the poem in order to maintain a poetic feel, but at the same time being able to expand my poetic abilities and putting more of the poetic devices to use. In my first draft I stated at the end of the poem that: “This will be proven to be true, unless we can reverse it.” After writing my poem several times over I considered the idea of adding in a transition that seamlessly changes the mood of the audience to a more light hearted feeling and gives them the understanding that my poem is not over. In my final draft I stated “And I bet if we dusted the hearts of many, this would all be true.” This reveals the same idea: that I am taking a turn in my poem, but it does so with poetry rather than a weak transition sentence. The additional stanza added passion to the poem, it allowed it to connect to the audience, and it changed the mood of the reader after reading the depressing forward section of the poem. It allowed me to expand on the things that I had wished to share with the audience but wasn’t able to with the forward reverse section. The stanza included poetic devices, which boosted the intellectual level of the overall poem, and had more emotional phrases that connected to the audience. The overall poem benefited from this stanza because it provided a positive ending and beginning for the sections of my poem. |
Globalization: political cartoons and op-eds
My Oped on Cultural Imperialism:Variety is the Spice of Life
Regrettably, U.S.A. cultural imperialism is alive and well at the Sochi Olympics at this very moment. In the article “Sport, the gay question and cultural imperialism,” Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey explains how it is no surprise that U.S. is yet again promoting its culture in Russia at the Sochi Olympics. After years of refusing gay rights, we are just now defending what used to be our own controversy. It is disrespectful of the United States to impose our morals onto Russia, who still stands firmly behind traditional values: “After five hundred years of intrusion, colonialism and imperialism, sticking their noses into other societies' business, spreading their own morals and morality across the globe, imposing it in a top-down, arrogant, murderous and chauvinistic attitude, complete with massacres, the west just cannot mind its own business, leave people alone and accept that things do not have to be the same the world over” (Bancroft-Hinchey). A commonly accepted definition of cultural imperialism is the act of aggressively promoting a culture throughout less powerful societies. Whether it’s McDonalds in Africa, Starbucks in Shanghai, Lady Gaga in Japan or gay rights in Russia, cultural imperialism is the driving force behind the destruction of cultures. Cultures around the world are gradually vanishing due to the overpowering influence of cultural and corporate America. The U.S. continues to exploit weaker countries by spreading its own culture the world over. The United States’ motive is to retain its power as well as enhance its own economic growth in the process. “In one-way or the other, the entire civilized world is America's colony” (Aber). For example, if you were Chinese in the 1960’s, it was considered unethical to listen to American pop singers, love McDonalds, or enjoy American commodities altogether. But today, American music, food, and clothing are regularly consumed and have integrated themselves in with the everyday lifestyle of cultures around the world. James Petras and Henry Veltmeyer wrote the book, “Globalization unmasked: Imperialism in the 21st century”. Petras and Veltmeyer explore the return of imperialism to the modern day world. In a nutshell, the book explains that from a cultural perspective, globalization fosters cultural imperialism. As our world continues to globalize, and as our worldwide interconnectedness persists on expanding, the power and influence of the U.S. on other countries is increasing its presence everyday. Globalization, which is often touted as a favorable trend in international relations, is perhaps just a euphemism for the continued march of US imperialism. Carl Watts proposed the question: “Is globalization another name for US imperialism” (Watts)? My answer is yes. Looking at America today we see a prime example of the current imperialist power, followed closely by its western puppets. “Globalization produces a globalized culture rather than a global culture” (Tomlinson). Cultural individuality continues to dilute, and it is heartbreaking to watch as our world disintegrates into a homogenous blend of uniformed culture. Simplistically, imperialism is the imposition of a country’s culture on to another country. But as James Petras explains, it is much more complex. “Imperialism is about political domination, economic exploitation, cultural penetration via military conquest, economic coercion, political destabilization, separatist movements and via domestic collaborators” (Petras). Despite the U.S. shoving its cultural, political, and economic views down other countries’ throats, the goal at hand should be to become a globalized world rather than a world dominated in all aspects by one country. Studies from multiple disciplines have argued that: “Cultural imperialism should be replaced by a concept described variously as cultural transfer, cultural transmission, and cultural interaction. Viewed by this light, national regional, and local cultures are not replaced by a homogenous global culture imposed by the United States. Instead recipients in Europe, Asia, and elsewhere select from American culture exports: they reject some, accept others and adapt them to their own purposes” (Gorman, McLean). Rather than having countries around the world lose their cultural identity, an alternative for other countries might be to establish policies for resisting U.S. cultural influence, while still accepting some economic benefits of globalization in order to achieve worldwide harmony without losing themselves completely. Of course there is more fear beyond the perceived influence of superficial corporate America: Coca-Cola, chain stores, Big Macs, rock ‘n’ roll, Disneyland, Facebook, Hollywood, blue jeans, T-shirts, baseball caps, and People magazine are not exactly the problem at hand here. The movement of American icons going abroad doesn’t begin to cover the underlying concern of American imperialism. It is the loss of national identity slipping away before our eyes, and the little ambition to reach out and stop it. That is where the problem lies ahead. Imperialism has been around since man has explored earth. However, current U.S. dominance is killing the beautiful and varied cultural spice that makes our world so fascinating. Wave goodbye to cultural diversification and variety, and say hello to cultural banality. Works Cited: "America: The World's Remaining Imperialist Power." OpEdNews. N.p., n.d. Web. 31 Jan. 2014. "Join Academia.edu & Share Your Research with the World." Is Globalization Another Name for US Imperialism? N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Jan. 2014. http://www.opednews.com/articles/America-The-World-s-Remai-by-Sam-Amer-121124-733.html Gorman, Lyn, and David McLean. Media and Society into the 21st Century: A Historical Introduction. Chichester, UK: Wiley-Blackwell, 2009. Print. "Join Academia.edu & Share Your Research with the World." Is Globalization Another Name for US Imperialism? N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Jan. 2014.” http://www.academia.edu/2001346/Is_globalization_another_name_for_US_imperialism "Twenty-First Century Imperialism: Militarism, Collaborators And Popular Resistance." The Official James Petras Website ». N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Feb. 2014. http://petras.lahaine.org/?p=1928 Petras, James F., and Henry Veltmeyer. Globalization Unmasked: Imperialism in the 21st Century. Halifax, N.S.: Fernwood Pub., 2001. Print. "Sport, the Gay Question and Cultural Imperialism." English Pravda.ru. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Feb. 2014. http://english.pravda.ru/opinion/columnists/09-08-2013/125337-cultural_imperialism-0/ |
Project Reflection:1. For this project, we were able to choose our own topic regarding globalization to write an opinion editorial, and draw a political cartoon. Leading up to the project we read the paper “Jihad vs. Mcworld”, this paper introduced the concepts of the two leading forces in our world, and allowed us to develop our own opinions on the topic. We read, annotated, wrote, and researched globalization and other sub topics of it, such as sweatshops and technology to expand our knowledge and opinions leading up to the final project. Once we picked our final topic to explore, we initiated our thesis and dove into writing a type of writing that was new to most of us, called an Opinion Editorial (Op-ed). An opinion editorial is a type of writing that solely expresses your opinion on the matter, and it takes a persuasive approach in professional writing. At the same time we begin sketching political cartoons to get a gist of what opinion we wanted share with our reader and viewers. The finished product was a political cartoon that coordinated with our Op-ed.
2. Before doing this unit in humanities, I was completely naïve to the current globalized force in our world. I still stand on middle ground on the broad controversy of globalization. I have recognized both the negative and positive sides to globalization. A big takeaway from this unit is that no matter what force controls our world, there is always a price to pay for whatever that force may be. For example, globalization creates a peaceful, harmonic, interconnected world, at the expense of our individuality and culture. On the other hand, Jihad allows us to keep our unique cultures, and differentiation in the world, at the price of our peace and worldwide tranquility. So I suppose that there is no perfect force to lead our world, because there will simply always be something that we have to discard from our world to achieve whatever goal we are aiming for. 3. As a cartoonist I have grown so much in the midst of this process. I have expressed the same message throughout the drafts of my cartoon, but I have been able to get my point across by applying new artistic skills that I wouldn’t have found otherwise. I have never been very good at drawing, but during this project I have realized that I amble to do successful work with a ruler by making it clean and pronounced. In my first draft, my main point was not as noticeable as it should have been and it didn’t get my point across as much as I wanted it to. For my following drafts I tried to make my point larger and bolder and I used exaggeration as well as irony to create a solid, easy to understand statement for my viewers. 4. Writing an OPED was a completely new way of writing for me. Surprisingly, I had a lot f fun writing it and enjoyed the fact that the point of it was to express your opinion without feeling like you need to take bias out of the paper. I found this writing to be tricky in some ways, because it was easy to make a big claim that needed to be backed up with evidence. Evidence was essential in writing this paper, not only to make the writing stronger, but to quote another author with the same opinion as your own creates an even stronger piece. I could apply this writing style to future writing assignments, by using the power of evidence, and influential diction to succeed in other writing assignments. |
Vietnam: historical thinking and veteran interviews
Click on the page in the Humanities drop down menu to view my final Gulf of Tonkin essay.
Project Description:
Leading up to the final assignment, we did several other assignments to prepare and feed into the larger project at hand. We began with the “Invasion of Nanking Packet,” this packet introduced us to the idea of pulling out evidence from a document and finding pieces of evidence and creating analysis in order to support the side of our argument. Shortly after, we did an in class writing on the bombing of Dresden, again, this played in to the practice of writing with a point and finding evidence to support the side we are defending. Another significant event that lead up to the assignment, was going to Ignacio to meet Rod Grove, and being able to see the Memorial of fallen soldiers in the Ute tribe. Going to Ignacio set the tone for our project. The next step was getting into groups for the veterans interview project. We refined questions to ask our Veterans that would provoke stories to make the interview as interesting as it could be. On the same day, we began my favorite aspect of the project; this was reading “The Things They Carried”. We were assigned certain chapters to read and annotate, or in my case read and annotate the entire book. We then began perhaps the most important feature of the project. We started the process of analyzing and using historical thinking skills to understand and pull apart the Gulf of Tokin Documents. After analyzing and gathering evidence to support our arguments, we wrote an in class essay, which would soon be critiqued and refined over and over again, until we met the standards of Stephen, our personal standards, and reached an exhibition presentable paper. As the project was near to ending we closed off the book with a seminar regarding the “The Things They Carried” and answered the questions Stephen proposed to us. Finally, we completed our projects by hosting an exhibition regarding our veteran interviews and Gulf of Tonkin papers, to show the public our completed work.
Veteran’s History:
My role in the project group was logistics. I succeeded in this role mostly because I stayed organized and made sure my group was on track with the schedule for our project. I put my trust in my teammates as well, and with out this I don’t believe that I would have been as successful nor would I have enjoyed this portion of the project. Although I felt pretty successful in this project, I could have improved my performance as the logistics person. One thing that I could have improved on was making sure we had enough questions to fill the time limit completely the first time. I take responsibility for this because as someone who is supposed to manage and keep the team organized, this was something that I could have made sure of the first time around. Doing this interview with Bob was not only an honor but he really opened my eyes to the different perspectives of war and life in general. One thing that stuck with me, was when Bob said something along these lines… “You can’t run away from your demons forever, at some point you have to face them and become friends with them, otherwise, they’ll eat you up.” When Bob said this, my entire perspective on war changed. Going in to this project I only thought of the bad parts of war, how it ruined you, and the emotional scarring war had on a person. But Bob taught me something different; he gave me the idea that people can overcome their fears and regrets of war. War most certainly can change you, but you don’t have to let it define you.
Historical Thinking Skills:
Using Historical Thinking Skills was something completely new to me, and learning and incorporating these skills was a difficult adjustment at times. I think I struggled most with close reading, this skill was difficult for me because at times I couldn’t determine what the author was trying to say by and it was difficult to consider the language that was used to say it. To overcome this difficulty I tried my best to analyze the language as best ads I could, and after going over it a couple of times, I was able to come up with a plausible answer. The Historical Thinking Skill that came the easiest to me was reading the silences. This was easy for me because I was able to pick out what the author had left out of the document. It interested me to find the things that were left out, which is another reason why it came easier to me. To improve this skill, I would analyze the document to first find the bias and then shortly after I was able to find what they would have left out in order to encourage the argument.
Critique:
Two substantial revisions I made to my writing was my sentence craft and my introduction. As far as sentence craft goes I changed most of my topic sentences to have more of an engaging hook in the beginning that tied back to my thesis. For instance this was one of my topic sentences from my first draft: “The question still remains whether the ambush on the U.S.S. Maddox actually occurred. The U.S.S. Maddox was in fact ambushed, but from the position of the North Vietnamese attack seems to be completely justifiable.” This topic sentence did not tie into my thesis and the fact that it started with a question was not very engaging for the reader. In my final draft, I refined it: “The war was triggered by the Vietnamese reacting to U.S. provocation. Sources claim that the U.S.S. Maddox was ambushed by the Vietnamese but from North Vietnam’s position, this act of defense seems to be completely justifiable.” This sentence displays improved diction and begins with an engaging sentence that ties in with the rest of the paper. The revisions that I made aim to keep the reader interested and to have the reader enjoy the writing.
Challenge Extension:
“The corroboration of Documents 3 and 8 proves that there was a plan intended and achieved to trigger the start of the war. In Document 3, a conversation with Robert Anderson and President Johnson was recorded: “What happened was we’ve been playing around up there and they came out, gave us a warning, and we knocked the hell out of ‘em” (Document 3). This document, which was the day after the attack, corresponds with the conversation in Document 8, the two documents verify that the attack was both planned ahead of time and the provoking did indeed occur.” This passage from my paper displays part of the challenge extension. By doing the challenge extension, I was able to support my argument in multiple ways and took different approaches in supporting my argument. By having two historical Thinking Skills for each paragraph, this only made my writing stronger and from a readers view; it was more believable. In order to make my writing even stronger, I could have provided evidence from my Veterans point of view on the Gulf of Tonkin Incident. This evidence would have been a primary source of evidence to incorporate in my paper. This aspect could have added an interesting twist on my paper and would have given my essay an almost undeniable piece of evidence.
Leading up to the final assignment, we did several other assignments to prepare and feed into the larger project at hand. We began with the “Invasion of Nanking Packet,” this packet introduced us to the idea of pulling out evidence from a document and finding pieces of evidence and creating analysis in order to support the side of our argument. Shortly after, we did an in class writing on the bombing of Dresden, again, this played in to the practice of writing with a point and finding evidence to support the side we are defending. Another significant event that lead up to the assignment, was going to Ignacio to meet Rod Grove, and being able to see the Memorial of fallen soldiers in the Ute tribe. Going to Ignacio set the tone for our project. The next step was getting into groups for the veterans interview project. We refined questions to ask our Veterans that would provoke stories to make the interview as interesting as it could be. On the same day, we began my favorite aspect of the project; this was reading “The Things They Carried”. We were assigned certain chapters to read and annotate, or in my case read and annotate the entire book. We then began perhaps the most important feature of the project. We started the process of analyzing and using historical thinking skills to understand and pull apart the Gulf of Tokin Documents. After analyzing and gathering evidence to support our arguments, we wrote an in class essay, which would soon be critiqued and refined over and over again, until we met the standards of Stephen, our personal standards, and reached an exhibition presentable paper. As the project was near to ending we closed off the book with a seminar regarding the “The Things They Carried” and answered the questions Stephen proposed to us. Finally, we completed our projects by hosting an exhibition regarding our veteran interviews and Gulf of Tonkin papers, to show the public our completed work.
Veteran’s History:
My role in the project group was logistics. I succeeded in this role mostly because I stayed organized and made sure my group was on track with the schedule for our project. I put my trust in my teammates as well, and with out this I don’t believe that I would have been as successful nor would I have enjoyed this portion of the project. Although I felt pretty successful in this project, I could have improved my performance as the logistics person. One thing that I could have improved on was making sure we had enough questions to fill the time limit completely the first time. I take responsibility for this because as someone who is supposed to manage and keep the team organized, this was something that I could have made sure of the first time around. Doing this interview with Bob was not only an honor but he really opened my eyes to the different perspectives of war and life in general. One thing that stuck with me, was when Bob said something along these lines… “You can’t run away from your demons forever, at some point you have to face them and become friends with them, otherwise, they’ll eat you up.” When Bob said this, my entire perspective on war changed. Going in to this project I only thought of the bad parts of war, how it ruined you, and the emotional scarring war had on a person. But Bob taught me something different; he gave me the idea that people can overcome their fears and regrets of war. War most certainly can change you, but you don’t have to let it define you.
Historical Thinking Skills:
Using Historical Thinking Skills was something completely new to me, and learning and incorporating these skills was a difficult adjustment at times. I think I struggled most with close reading, this skill was difficult for me because at times I couldn’t determine what the author was trying to say by and it was difficult to consider the language that was used to say it. To overcome this difficulty I tried my best to analyze the language as best ads I could, and after going over it a couple of times, I was able to come up with a plausible answer. The Historical Thinking Skill that came the easiest to me was reading the silences. This was easy for me because I was able to pick out what the author had left out of the document. It interested me to find the things that were left out, which is another reason why it came easier to me. To improve this skill, I would analyze the document to first find the bias and then shortly after I was able to find what they would have left out in order to encourage the argument.
Critique:
Two substantial revisions I made to my writing was my sentence craft and my introduction. As far as sentence craft goes I changed most of my topic sentences to have more of an engaging hook in the beginning that tied back to my thesis. For instance this was one of my topic sentences from my first draft: “The question still remains whether the ambush on the U.S.S. Maddox actually occurred. The U.S.S. Maddox was in fact ambushed, but from the position of the North Vietnamese attack seems to be completely justifiable.” This topic sentence did not tie into my thesis and the fact that it started with a question was not very engaging for the reader. In my final draft, I refined it: “The war was triggered by the Vietnamese reacting to U.S. provocation. Sources claim that the U.S.S. Maddox was ambushed by the Vietnamese but from North Vietnam’s position, this act of defense seems to be completely justifiable.” This sentence displays improved diction and begins with an engaging sentence that ties in with the rest of the paper. The revisions that I made aim to keep the reader interested and to have the reader enjoy the writing.
Challenge Extension:
“The corroboration of Documents 3 and 8 proves that there was a plan intended and achieved to trigger the start of the war. In Document 3, a conversation with Robert Anderson and President Johnson was recorded: “What happened was we’ve been playing around up there and they came out, gave us a warning, and we knocked the hell out of ‘em” (Document 3). This document, which was the day after the attack, corresponds with the conversation in Document 8, the two documents verify that the attack was both planned ahead of time and the provoking did indeed occur.” This passage from my paper displays part of the challenge extension. By doing the challenge extension, I was able to support my argument in multiple ways and took different approaches in supporting my argument. By having two historical Thinking Skills for each paragraph, this only made my writing stronger and from a readers view; it was more believable. In order to make my writing even stronger, I could have provided evidence from my Veterans point of view on the Gulf of Tonkin Incident. This evidence would have been a primary source of evidence to incorporate in my paper. This aspect could have added an interesting twist on my paper and would have given my essay an almost undeniable piece of evidence.
Creative Historians
Click on the page in the Humanities drop down menu to view my full short story.
Creative Historians Reflection
Project Description
The assignment at hand was given to find and understand the truth of war through our eyes. Leading up to this assignment we read All Quiet on the Western Front, a historical fiction novel about the life of soldiers on the Western Front and the struggles they faced throughout the war. The novel also gave us an understanding of the truth of war. While reading the book, we were asked to annotate sections that stood out to us. Later these annotations helped us reflect and have a seminar about the book and about the truth of war in general. We took notes, and marked a map to learn about the alliances that were formed before, during and after World War 1. The class was tested on the material to make sure we had an understanding of WW1, before beginning the short story.
Literary Strengths
Out of the literary elements we studied my story best exemplified show don’t tell. “My heart is a jackhammer rattling within my ribcage.” This section from my story demonstrates the use of showing rather than telling by giving the reader a vivid image in their mind of how his heart felt at that moment in time. Instead of just stating the obvious of his nervous emotion, I tried to illustratively write his side affects of being nervous. This element is crucial for a story to keep your reader engaged and effortlessly paint a picture in their mind of what is going on in the scene.
Literary Weaknesses
Out of the literary elements we studied my story struggled with round characters. While writing and revising, I had a difficult time bringing my character to life and making him have positive and negative qualities. This element was hard for me to work with because my character was pretty flat in my first draft. I tried to improve the traits of my character and give him more of an internal conflict throughout my revisions. Hopefully, I was able to overcome the difficulties by making my character more interesting and interesting to read about.
Story Revisions
The first substantial I made to my story was for every time I was telling, rather than showing, I changed it to a more descriptive piece of writing. For instance, “After-shave and coffee sink deep into my nose with every word that flows out of his chapped lips.” Was once, “He begins with questions.” I have made this stronger by unfolding what Hugo goes through in the process rather than blatantly telling the reader what is happening. Another substantial revision that was made was my ending. My first draft ended with the main characters French comrade knowing about Hugo’s secret identity as a German soldier undercover. As I revised I decided that rather than having Hugo get caught, he learns that it is more important to protect the people that protect you. This revision kept my story in the time period of a few days as well as keeping it suspenseful for the reader until the end.
Project Description
The assignment at hand was given to find and understand the truth of war through our eyes. Leading up to this assignment we read All Quiet on the Western Front, a historical fiction novel about the life of soldiers on the Western Front and the struggles they faced throughout the war. The novel also gave us an understanding of the truth of war. While reading the book, we were asked to annotate sections that stood out to us. Later these annotations helped us reflect and have a seminar about the book and about the truth of war in general. We took notes, and marked a map to learn about the alliances that were formed before, during and after World War 1. The class was tested on the material to make sure we had an understanding of WW1, before beginning the short story.
Literary Strengths
Out of the literary elements we studied my story best exemplified show don’t tell. “My heart is a jackhammer rattling within my ribcage.” This section from my story demonstrates the use of showing rather than telling by giving the reader a vivid image in their mind of how his heart felt at that moment in time. Instead of just stating the obvious of his nervous emotion, I tried to illustratively write his side affects of being nervous. This element is crucial for a story to keep your reader engaged and effortlessly paint a picture in their mind of what is going on in the scene.
Literary Weaknesses
Out of the literary elements we studied my story struggled with round characters. While writing and revising, I had a difficult time bringing my character to life and making him have positive and negative qualities. This element was hard for me to work with because my character was pretty flat in my first draft. I tried to improve the traits of my character and give him more of an internal conflict throughout my revisions. Hopefully, I was able to overcome the difficulties by making my character more interesting and interesting to read about.
Story Revisions
The first substantial I made to my story was for every time I was telling, rather than showing, I changed it to a more descriptive piece of writing. For instance, “After-shave and coffee sink deep into my nose with every word that flows out of his chapped lips.” Was once, “He begins with questions.” I have made this stronger by unfolding what Hugo goes through in the process rather than blatantly telling the reader what is happening. Another substantial revision that was made was my ending. My first draft ended with the main characters French comrade knowing about Hugo’s secret identity as a German soldier undercover. As I revised I decided that rather than having Hugo get caught, he learns that it is more important to protect the people that protect you. This revision kept my story in the time period of a few days as well as keeping it suspenseful for the reader until the end.
Animas High School 20091 Hwy 160 Durango, Co 81301
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