Mask Essay
The first time I opened my eyes was the moment I was tossed in to the cycle of socialization. White, Christian, straight, and perhaps the biggest part of my identity, female. In my life I have been taught by everyone around me how to piece the person I am "supposed" to be together. But lately my eyes have been opening. I have started to realize that there is a way other than what I am being offered; that I can stand out, and that I can be me, Ellie.
Stereotyped:
People often call me different. Maybe that's who I am, different. They see that I live in my own fairytale world per se. I'm not offended to be called different; in fact it can be refreshing to hear that people don't see me like everyone else. Some people stereotype me – they look at me and their first instinct might be that I am not friendly and too focused on popularity. Looks can be deceiving, as I am always a friend to people and am not what people think of me at all. Our society is mainly based on looks and the first time you look at somebody your head automatically begins to make assumptions about them. This is what generally happens to not only me but most everyone. When people look at me I'm not really sure what they see. This is an example of looking glass self. But I do know that once strangers get to know me, the image of what they thought about me begins to slowly disappear as my personality takes over and drains the idea they once had of me.
Influenced:
My dad has always told me, “You can do whatever or be whoever you want to be, if you put your mind to it." This has given me the mindset that I have just as much potential as anybody else and that with drive and hard work my dreams can be achieved. My Mom told me, “Be your own person." This has made me think that it is okay to be an individual, and that I shouldn't let everybody's input affect me. When people make a mean comment about me, I have been raised to block it out, but at times others' comments over power my Moms' and I feel I have to change myself. My sister taught me to be tough and stand up for myself. Since a young age my sister has socialized me to being aggressive and very competitive. That is simply why I love sports and part of my identity is that I am tough. My other sister taught me how to dress and fit in. She always picked out my clothes for me; now I follow the rules she has taught me about clothing. For instance I know a fake Coach bag when I see it, and which colors clash and the best stores to shop at. But, with all these influences around me, and a constant voice in my head reminding me of what I was taught, I suppose I never thought for myself though, how could I?
The pieces of me:
The pieces of my identity have been created through society’s constant weight hanging above my head; teasing me. I am always being told to stop talking. This is why I hold a key in my mouth. The key represents my loquacious personality. The smile on my face represents my bubbly attitude. I am the type of person to cover up my emotion with a smile. When I am upset or hurt by something my only instinct is to not let anyone know that I am hurting because crying is weak and I can't be thought of as this less appreciated identity.
On my face lies a map of the world representing my passion for discovering new places and experiencing new things outside of my comfort zone. For example, traveling to Africa and Europe has changed the way I see things today. I am very grateful for the things I have after traveling around Africa and visiting the orphanages. This has played a big role in my identity. It has made me a greater person and has made me have the drive to do great things with my life after seeing people who struggle to live day by day. Traveling to Europe has opened my eyes to the beauty of language, food, and architecture and has made me appreciate my surroundings, it has also made me love my country and realize the agent group I was born in to. When traveling around Europe and Africa, it surprised me to see the fascination people have with our country; it's their dream to come to America and I have the privilege to live here.
The freckles on my nose represent childhood and youth. Sometimes I feel that I am not ready to grow up, maybe as the youngest of three children I never learned how to. I still am hopelessly in love with Disneyland and have childish dreams for my future. Part of me is scared of what my future holds. On the contrary the Coco Channel sign on my forehead represents my social class. Sometimes I feel mature for my age. The way I was raised was to use my manners, behave properly and act mature. This sometimes makes me feel older and more adult like than other kids my age. The sign also represents the industry I look up to. The famous fashion designers and the people I look up to have all the best clothing, hair, skin, and bodies. The Kardashian’s own all of the best brands, have a beautiful house, and they are all picture perfect - but I can only see the outside of their lives. I try to tell myself perfection does not exist, yet I find myself striving for it every day.
I decided to keep my eyes closed. I decided this because I am a dreamer. I haven't met many people with dreams like I have. I have many plans and dreams for my future. I would like to achieve the goal of going to UCLA for college. I dream of going to the Olympics to play volleyball, becoming a secret agent, and opening a bakery of my own. Most people would laugh at the plans I have for myself. Society doesn't necessarily accept people with unrealistic plans. But one day I would like to show society my unrealistic dreams and turn them in to reality. The piece covering my eye is covered in glitter the portrayal of what society has covered me up with. Such as, cosmetics to cover my flaws, the best clothes to make me look in style, or anything to cover up what was once purely me. The piece unfolds, because on the inside I am trying to break free. It's as if society traps you in its game and sees who will stay in and who will find the will power to break away.
As I grow up I am beginning to put the pieces of my mask together. Yes, I may be looked at certain way but as others really get to know me, they meet the real me. I realize I will always have to integrate societies expectations of me with whom I really am. I think as I learn and grow I am beginning to become comfortable with the many different faces I may wear, it's what makes me uniquely me.
Stereotyped:
People often call me different. Maybe that's who I am, different. They see that I live in my own fairytale world per se. I'm not offended to be called different; in fact it can be refreshing to hear that people don't see me like everyone else. Some people stereotype me – they look at me and their first instinct might be that I am not friendly and too focused on popularity. Looks can be deceiving, as I am always a friend to people and am not what people think of me at all. Our society is mainly based on looks and the first time you look at somebody your head automatically begins to make assumptions about them. This is what generally happens to not only me but most everyone. When people look at me I'm not really sure what they see. This is an example of looking glass self. But I do know that once strangers get to know me, the image of what they thought about me begins to slowly disappear as my personality takes over and drains the idea they once had of me.
Influenced:
My dad has always told me, “You can do whatever or be whoever you want to be, if you put your mind to it." This has given me the mindset that I have just as much potential as anybody else and that with drive and hard work my dreams can be achieved. My Mom told me, “Be your own person." This has made me think that it is okay to be an individual, and that I shouldn't let everybody's input affect me. When people make a mean comment about me, I have been raised to block it out, but at times others' comments over power my Moms' and I feel I have to change myself. My sister taught me to be tough and stand up for myself. Since a young age my sister has socialized me to being aggressive and very competitive. That is simply why I love sports and part of my identity is that I am tough. My other sister taught me how to dress and fit in. She always picked out my clothes for me; now I follow the rules she has taught me about clothing. For instance I know a fake Coach bag when I see it, and which colors clash and the best stores to shop at. But, with all these influences around me, and a constant voice in my head reminding me of what I was taught, I suppose I never thought for myself though, how could I?
The pieces of me:
The pieces of my identity have been created through society’s constant weight hanging above my head; teasing me. I am always being told to stop talking. This is why I hold a key in my mouth. The key represents my loquacious personality. The smile on my face represents my bubbly attitude. I am the type of person to cover up my emotion with a smile. When I am upset or hurt by something my only instinct is to not let anyone know that I am hurting because crying is weak and I can't be thought of as this less appreciated identity.
On my face lies a map of the world representing my passion for discovering new places and experiencing new things outside of my comfort zone. For example, traveling to Africa and Europe has changed the way I see things today. I am very grateful for the things I have after traveling around Africa and visiting the orphanages. This has played a big role in my identity. It has made me a greater person and has made me have the drive to do great things with my life after seeing people who struggle to live day by day. Traveling to Europe has opened my eyes to the beauty of language, food, and architecture and has made me appreciate my surroundings, it has also made me love my country and realize the agent group I was born in to. When traveling around Europe and Africa, it surprised me to see the fascination people have with our country; it's their dream to come to America and I have the privilege to live here.
The freckles on my nose represent childhood and youth. Sometimes I feel that I am not ready to grow up, maybe as the youngest of three children I never learned how to. I still am hopelessly in love with Disneyland and have childish dreams for my future. Part of me is scared of what my future holds. On the contrary the Coco Channel sign on my forehead represents my social class. Sometimes I feel mature for my age. The way I was raised was to use my manners, behave properly and act mature. This sometimes makes me feel older and more adult like than other kids my age. The sign also represents the industry I look up to. The famous fashion designers and the people I look up to have all the best clothing, hair, skin, and bodies. The Kardashian’s own all of the best brands, have a beautiful house, and they are all picture perfect - but I can only see the outside of their lives. I try to tell myself perfection does not exist, yet I find myself striving for it every day.
I decided to keep my eyes closed. I decided this because I am a dreamer. I haven't met many people with dreams like I have. I have many plans and dreams for my future. I would like to achieve the goal of going to UCLA for college. I dream of going to the Olympics to play volleyball, becoming a secret agent, and opening a bakery of my own. Most people would laugh at the plans I have for myself. Society doesn't necessarily accept people with unrealistic plans. But one day I would like to show society my unrealistic dreams and turn them in to reality. The piece covering my eye is covered in glitter the portrayal of what society has covered me up with. Such as, cosmetics to cover my flaws, the best clothes to make me look in style, or anything to cover up what was once purely me. The piece unfolds, because on the inside I am trying to break free. It's as if society traps you in its game and sees who will stay in and who will find the will power to break away.
As I grow up I am beginning to put the pieces of my mask together. Yes, I may be looked at certain way but as others really get to know me, they meet the real me. I realize I will always have to integrate societies expectations of me with whom I really am. I think as I learn and grow I am beginning to become comfortable with the many different faces I may wear, it's what makes me uniquely me.
Exhibition Reflection
Throughout this project I have learned more about society in the world than I could have ever imagined I would have. But there were certain things that I took away that will probably stay with me forever. One of the most important lessons I learned was that I may have thought that I was my own identity but in reality influences, society, and my surroundings have shaped and created me; I did not. This at first was hard for me to understand and part of me did not want to take that in. But eventually it sunk in that everyone is raised to think certain things and all of us are who we are because of that. I also learned that it is okay for me to break out of societies norms and be myself. In my life it has always been hard for me to except that I won't always be the best and I have always known that fitting in was not something I wanted to do. I guess after learning so much about society I am not so hesitant or timid to break the chain of society. Society is everywhere. There is absolutely no escape from it. It is just your choice whether you will let it control you, or you will control it.
During this project I have learned things that I may have never known about myself. I learned that I underestimate myself and that is usually is what holds me back from doing spontaneous things. This time around I wasn't as hesitant to get creative; so for the first time I crawled out of my box and got very artsy with my mask. It turns out that part of me is surprisingly imaginative and constructive with art. I have also learned that I don't always have to hangout with the most popular people to feel good about myself. In fact I feel better having friends who I can be myself around. The last thing that hit me while doing this project was that I am growing up and that it shouldn't be easy writing about my identity because I am not sure exactly who I am. In fact I may never know exactly who I am; does anyone?
This project has made me grow as a person, it has given me confidence, and over all made me proud of the work I did. Most of all I was very proud of how my essay eventually came together. I had a rocky start. I struggled having a main topic, I often had writers block, and lacked intriguing examples. But with persistence, hours of revision, and support from Jessica I was able to slowly pull my essay together. It began to flow the more I revised and began to have meaning and structure but it was still missing something. The day before exhibition I had a break through and everything clicked. That moment that everything fit together was one of my proudest moments and I knew that I had succeeded.
Moving forward in my high school year seems scary now but I have began to see how every project I do is barrier I must overcome before moving along. Projects will leave me with strength, confidence, and prepare me for upcoming exhibitions, SLC's, and any other projects that I will eventually have to face. For the next project I will try to improve my vocabulary in my writing. I would also balance the time I spend on each aspect of my project. For instance, I would spend the majority of my class time working on my mask and would spend hours on my essay at home. In the future I would like to distribute the time I spend on both equally. For exhibition I think I should be more prepared speaking wise and improve my improvising skills when I am stuck with difficult questions. As far as the habits of heart and mind go for a big project I have came to understand that having passion and desire for your work is key to having a successful outcome. I have also found that having confidence and pride in your work makes for stronger exhibition. I feel that if I stick to these habits of heart and mind it will set me up for success in what ever I may be doing.
During this project I have learned things that I may have never known about myself. I learned that I underestimate myself and that is usually is what holds me back from doing spontaneous things. This time around I wasn't as hesitant to get creative; so for the first time I crawled out of my box and got very artsy with my mask. It turns out that part of me is surprisingly imaginative and constructive with art. I have also learned that I don't always have to hangout with the most popular people to feel good about myself. In fact I feel better having friends who I can be myself around. The last thing that hit me while doing this project was that I am growing up and that it shouldn't be easy writing about my identity because I am not sure exactly who I am. In fact I may never know exactly who I am; does anyone?
This project has made me grow as a person, it has given me confidence, and over all made me proud of the work I did. Most of all I was very proud of how my essay eventually came together. I had a rocky start. I struggled having a main topic, I often had writers block, and lacked intriguing examples. But with persistence, hours of revision, and support from Jessica I was able to slowly pull my essay together. It began to flow the more I revised and began to have meaning and structure but it was still missing something. The day before exhibition I had a break through and everything clicked. That moment that everything fit together was one of my proudest moments and I knew that I had succeeded.
Moving forward in my high school year seems scary now but I have began to see how every project I do is barrier I must overcome before moving along. Projects will leave me with strength, confidence, and prepare me for upcoming exhibitions, SLC's, and any other projects that I will eventually have to face. For the next project I will try to improve my vocabulary in my writing. I would also balance the time I spend on each aspect of my project. For instance, I would spend the majority of my class time working on my mask and would spend hours on my essay at home. In the future I would like to distribute the time I spend on both equally. For exhibition I think I should be more prepared speaking wise and improve my improvising skills when I am stuck with difficult questions. As far as the habits of heart and mind go for a big project I have came to understand that having passion and desire for your work is key to having a successful outcome. I have also found that having confidence and pride in your work makes for stronger exhibition. I feel that if I stick to these habits of heart and mind it will set me up for success in what ever I may be doing.